he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
