Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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