I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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