if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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