Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
