so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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