some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
