Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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