Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
love makes seman taste better
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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