anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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