Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
