just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize