Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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