ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
