I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize