Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
