hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
