I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Randomize
