a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
