I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
