sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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