1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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