so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
