He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
