I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize