from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
