Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
