Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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