im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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