I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
