I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
