remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
