your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
