Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
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