i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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