It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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