Don't you send me to vm
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
