Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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