the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
