i think my mom watched the whole time
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
