I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
