Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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