You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
