Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
