I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
