when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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