Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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