Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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