I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize