he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
