What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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