so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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