The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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