What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
