Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
