I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
