Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
