turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
