You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I will pee on everything he values.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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