It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
