I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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