At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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