I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
