Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
