Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize