i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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