do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
