Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
