Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Two words: nipple clamps
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