3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i need an iv and a liver transplant
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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