At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
