Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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