You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
