help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize