I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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