I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
