youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
