meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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