So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
