I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
