she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
