Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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