When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You ate ashes out of my bong
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
