Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
