Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Apparently you make a good broom.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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