I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
