Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
