Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
