I wannas sexs uuuuu
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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