Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
