they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
