Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
