By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
