Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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