my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
false alarm, still single
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
