I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
