You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize