Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
