Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
