Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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