I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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