party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
