She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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