yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
