I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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