Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize