idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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