I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize