Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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