Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
