There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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