let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
