So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Two words: blizzard sex
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
