just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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