i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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