Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We are two peas in an std pod
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sext me about skeletons
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
