Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
