I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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