Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize